My mind, my thinking, my life n my everything :)

Dream of another guy, an old man!

2010-09-15T08:13:00.001-07:00

wow! i wanna scream out my tiredness, unsatisfied, my stress, my everything that make me unhappy.

After 8 months + in this company, i think it is enough. I said so because of the stress that the people gave me. I'm unhappy working in this kind of environment. Can say this kind of job, it is not suitable for me. But sometimes i do like it. I think i need someone to talk to and help me to figure out what i want actually.

I knew the problem is because of myself. This is a time for me to change and become better. i must go through it. If i quit, i'm a failure.

Not a challenging life anymore.

2010-05-11T06:19:00.000-07:00

I hope to change, everythings in my life except for my lovely and warm family as well as my good future husband.Things that i hope to change is my career, my qualification, my aim, my laziness, my financial status, my unconfident, my thinking.

This few weeks i met with many nice people, Ket and Hui Yi. Listen to their stories make me motivated but what is life really about? The more people i met, the more i confuse what i want. I thought i could be a simple girl who want simple things but there are many comments from people around me that make me can't stick to what i want.

I been thinking be stable and don't be materialistic but when i see what my cousins or friends with their latest gadgets, i hope i could own one. I thought i can be a full time housewife and taking care of my family but when i heard what my manager say, i feel like embrasse to have this thinking.I learned to be excel in your work place in any kind of environment but when i heard my friends said of their company's benefit, i hope to changed my job to a better company.

Should i just stay in a shell and avoid myself from everybody? I don't know who can understand me.

Now i'm facing my June 2010 ACCA exam. I left with 2 papers (F8 and P6). I want to pass both of them and start my new life again. I want to be a successful person and will be center of the crowd. I'm not sure whether i can do it with my shyness.

Kelly's Wedding Dinner

2009-12-11T19:09:00.000-08:00

Yesterday night i went to a wedding dinner which is most special to me and all the time i just look at the bride, the bride's photos, videos, the decoration and i so amazed. It is so nice and special and i'm sure this is what many girls envy about. She has a beautiful life and good husband. Wish her can have a wonderful life with her loving husband.

But there is some incident happen also the first time i experience this in a wedding dinner. After few dished have been served, there is suddenly black out for bout 30 minutes. This is the restaurant responsibility as they did not have power generator or any spare light in case of emergency.

Many friends of the bride's father has went home and my father say we have to stay as we are close to the host. But after awhile it is hot inside there and parents decide to go, while we on the way out, suddenly there is lights and everything back to normal. I feel so bad and faster go back to our seat. Hopefully the host don't see us betraying them. But i enjoy so much after the incident. The bridegroom has make apology and express their feeling of touched because we still stay there and did not give them up.

I feel so touch too. The bride is crying, not sure because she is angry and disappointed because her 100% wedding dinner has spoil or because she is touched. No matter what, she is still making me envy her. The bridegroom sang a song for his wife. The lyrics tell that they have couples for 7 years but the memory of coupling still fresh in his mind. Wow~ so touched! :)

After the dinner we went home. I watched drama while do colouring. While i'm rushing to clean up myself, my toe hit the wall and my toenail has break. It is so pain and when i look at it, it is bleeding. I quickly ask yong qi to call my mother over. And i start crying. Mum keep saying "oh, sayang ar, don't cry don't cry. I know it is pain. Dont cry". I feel like i'm a small kid again. :)

Now i still scare of seeing my nails and i dont know how to take bath and go out. Hope it will recover asap.

MIA !!

2009-12-11T01:25:00.000-08:00

Wow, it has been bout 6 months i have missing in action. No blog mean not much unhappy things happen during this period. Today i'm blogging because i want to update my current status with my current performance.

Last sitting i'm so fortunate to pass the paper that i wanted to give up. And, what is more happy is that i have passed 2 papers in first sitting. But i also failed 2 papers. One of it is the one i really don't know to tackle it.

This sitting (Dec 2009), i took my last 3 papers in ACCA. I resit 2 out of 3 papers. I have a little bit confident to pass 2 out of the 3 papers. but the one i really headache about is the paper that i tried for the 4th times. I will always chant that i can pass all 3 papers and i want to turn impossible things into possible as what he always says.

This round exam is not that good. All 3 papers squeeze in to 4 days of exam. I have limited time to study and i feel so lazy and tired to study.

Today is the first day after exam and i went to interview in DHL, they offer quite attractive salary but i'm still thinking whether my decision of taking the job is correct or not. Now i have a thinking, since all the big audit firm don't want to accept me as my result still unknown, should i just take the job and wait till my results out first then only decide? Em, i need to chant about it and see how later.

Before i wish to have a job that is from big company, offer good remuneration, give high salary, convenient and i am able to attend meeting and also Culture Fest in 2010. This DHL has fulfill my all the requirements. Thank so much to myself, the determination and the clear mind of chanting.

During exam week, while i'm study, i have lots of things want to do after exam which include :

1. shopping with yong qi ( tomorrow i will bring her to Times Square, accompany me shopping :P )

2. Tidy up my room (no not yet, it take one day or two to do that)
3. Develop pictures and tidy up photos (it is on the floor, very messy)
4. Renew my passport ( i wish to celebrate my 7th anniversary with him in Hong Kong. I want to shopping there and enjoy our sweet moments there)
5. Go KWSP office to check the beneficiary names
6. Have a hairdo. ( I want to change my hair style before get into a new working environment)
7. Have a party with my friends ( I will organise a bbq / steamboat on 19th Dec at home - hope most of them will come and our relation will become closer and closer)
8. etc (i can't remember)

I want to shopping to buy things but i dont have money. My boss also going to broke as i always ask him to pay this and that. Sorry Boss! I love u so much~~!!

Today is Kelly's wedding i have the opportunity to go your wedding which is FOC. Thanks to brother who can't make it and parents ask me to replace.

1 more before June 2009 exam

2009-04-30T08:27:00.000-07:00

Exam coming in 1 month time and i still can't concentrate in my studies. i waste my time to sleep in the day time and watch tv. I'm so unhappy with my current mode. lazy mode. I'm taking 4 papers this sitting which 3 of it is new papers and 1 resit paper. I've plan to give up one of the paper but he thinks it is not a right way. I'm still in dilemma. My thinking is 1 fail is better than 4 papers also fail.

Anyhow, i will do my best and create miracle! Nam Myo Ho Ren Geh Kyo!

After 1 week of getting freedom

2009-04-06T23:27:00.000-07:00

After i resign i got a sore throat with flu . So i can't really enjoy my holidays. I'm not satisfied with my 1 week holidays. i suppose to be hardworking to study and do revision but i didn't. I sleep more than 6 hours a day and i spent most of the time to watch TV. i did some reading but it is not sufficient and i didn't go to gym which i suppose to.

I'm feeling bad mood today. Want to be alone. Tomorrow onwards i need to kick off my bad habits and start making my life challenging and useful.

Good luck to myself and all the best!

Meaningless April Fool's day 2009

2009-04-01T08:56:00.000-07:00

This year's April Fool's day i'm very lucky because i did not being teased by anyone. Today is the first day unemployed after work for 2 years and 8 months in this company. i woke up at 7am by my biological clock but i nap n enjoy the morning till 8.20am. What a great morning.

I went to many places to do my own stuffs and also went back to office to clean up my things. i'm quite stupid because i always offer help that i suppose not to. i will being cheated and being used by them. So i just talk but no action. Very sorry to them.

My lunch with my ex-colleagues is not that happy. i being so quiet to observe their behaviour, their eye to eye contact, their wording and so on. feel this bunch of friend is not what i think last time. although there is once we are very friendly but there sure will have some pitfalls.

Communication is very important but it is not easy to do. i knew it is important but i can't talk to them, ask them what has happenned. Anyhow, communication should be a two way, include 2 parties willing to talk openly.

This coming saturday i should have a dinner with his family to celebrate his mum's birthday but what a conincident that my father's birthday also fall on the same date. I don't hope it will be like this but what can i do? I hope he can understand me and be with me all the time but sometimes life is like that. You can deeply love someone today, the feeling is very sweet but at the end of the day, everything turn upside down.

Overall, today is not a happy day.

A Very Memorable Concert and it is also my first time....

2009-03-20T22:28:00.000-07:00

Yesterday 20.03.2009 i went to A Mei's Star Tour Concert 2009 at Bukit Jalil Stadium with Steven and Sam....

We go for the cheapest seat but it is worth because of the wonderful respond from the audiences and the excellent show by A Mei and her band. The cons are only the music,which is not so clear (it doesn't a matter because in that concert almost all the song also sang by the audience and A Mei) and we can see a tiny A Mei (1.5cm maybe).

It is really amazing as this is my first time to be in a concert and some more A Mei is a experienced, excellent and well-known singer around the world.We reach there at 7.30pm and we spend time chit chatting and have some tit bits.I have my dinner which is brought by Steven.

The concert start exactly at 8.45 pm with Suki being the performance starter. The appearance of Suki make most of the audience disappointed but i love her voice. As being a young artist, to be on a big stage with so many people, it might be a very difficult things to take but she did it. Congrats Suki!!.

After a song sang by Suki, A Mei come out with lots of songs. There are new and also 'old' song but everyone can remember her song and sang together with her. She is touched and we also touched by her performance. Before the end, we are allowed to stand up and 'high' with A Mei. We dance and sing with A Mei and it is really enjoyable and excited. 3 of us are very happy with the performance.

The concert end at 12pm exactly and we reach home at 12.50am due to the traffic jam. I have a great night that day and also a tight sleep due to tiredness.

Valentine's Day 2009

2009-02-25T21:24:00.001-08:00

This year Valentine's Day is quite ok as i got a bouquet of roses and i manage to bought him a pink colour shirt at the last minute.

I have P2 class half of the day from 9.30am to 4.30pm. i can't put much concentration in class as i going out later with him.

After class, he waited me in front of MayBank and we depart to sunway pyramid to watch movie - All Well's End 2009 (hopefully the name is correctly written) and dinner at a ramen shop.

I can see there is lots of couple that day and some of them carrying flowers in their arms. Those steak house also decorated with Valentine's colours and the lighting is so romantic.

He say this is the time they make money because the food is expensive but they save on the utilities. Really an acountant.

Tendered the letter

2009-02-18T01:43:00.000-08:00

i tender my letter already but request me to extent half month to 31 march '09. At first i'm ok but now i feel a bit upset because i'm too 'soft heart'. i shouldn't be too kind because i have to start my revision and also giving tuition. i extent another half month means giving me trouble but helping others.i not sure what i'm doing is right or not. i'm waiting for my last day in this place, not because i don't happy with the people here. i just don't happy that i need to tie my time with all the works. it is too much. i can't be a professional staff (as advised by Daniel). Anyway, i will try to be in this 1 month+ time.

My superior say my manager has no respond on my action. She might know earlier or may be it is very normal things for her as she work here for so many years (people in and out almost every quater?)

My result is out and i'm not happy with it as first. Luckily he is there to support me. :)

Resignation as account assistant

2009-02-04T03:30:00.000-08:00

Today after working hours at 6.30pm i finally show (because she don't want to take) my superior my resignation letter.

I can see from her eyes that i disappointed her but i hope she understand that I'm not want to be so cruel. i knew to resign at this moment is very bad because my new colleagues is still new in the working task but i have no choice. i need to concentrate in my studies, do whatever i want to do before i become a full timer again.

I gave my superior 1 week time to think bout any solutions but I'm sorry, i wont consider to stay in this company not because i don't like this job. May be it is really because I'm selfish. i want to do my own things.

Very sorry. Please give me leave asap. I really hope you all will forgive me. And Ms. J, hope you don't angry me. i know you are a very good trainer and i learn so much from you. Thanks so much to all my colleagues. I've been pampered and cared by you all. Very sorry for my selfishness. :(

Wonderful 1st CNY trip 2009

2009-01-28T08:04:00.000-08:00

First time in my life i have trips during CNY.Second day of CNy '09 i went to Cameron Highlands with his family. Third day of CNY we went to Ipoh.

The journey in Cameron Highlands is wonderful and i have a very good memories with him. So lovely each other during the trip and i feel so satisfied :) we went to lots of farms (strawberries, flowers, cactus, market etc) and took a lots of pictures there...

The small trip to Ipoh is also wonderful because i discover that tauge chicken rice is nothing special. Haha... :)

Waiting my 2nd trip to Malacca with him. Hope it is also enjoyables and wonderful trip :)

you will get for what you have done

2009-01-26T07:04:00.000-08:00

i believe that when you do, say or think something bad, it will add on your karma and you will suffer it later...
for this case, i will sit there and see how u suffer...
Someone talk something and i very unhappy. it happens every year and this year i really can't stand with this 'someone'. i also did somethings bad to you because i curse you. i know i'm wrong but it is the only way i can release my unhappiness at the moment. Because of someone stupid, i hurt myself. i also dissapointed and i will remember this more and i will treat myself even better...
and of cos i will also angry 'someone'.

Shopping = $

2009-01-23T09:24:00.000-08:00

i want shopping!!! but he is busy with his work, i don't want he waste his time and make his task unfinish. If he dont finish it he wont have a wonderful family trip and also girlfriend trip during the CNY.

This year i bought so little new clothes. Mainly because i feel i'm fetting fatter and don't want to try out those new outfits hanging there and another things is i dont have money. i cant use too much money. i need them to survive.

Hope i can win in our routine activities during CNY...haha XD
Cai Shen Dao~

weird day

2009-01-23T09:18:00.000-08:00

22 01 09 is a weird day for me....

in the morning, someone found me there...i quite happy cos i know he is fine ...
afternoon a freelance model added me in msn (which she refuse she added me, she keep saying i add her - maybe is msn problem) evening, a stranger using friendfinder to know my location, i called him/her but he/she did not pick up call and reply me with an sms saying wrong number.haha...funny!
at night before sleep, chat with a friend for 1 hour 20 minutes...so long....

i feel so tired in class n can't concentrate. i failed to pay at least 80% attention to him.

Another successful day begins~

2009-01-19T14:29:00.001-08:00

Today i woke up at 5.55am....

haha....but it is bacause something happened...but i'm happy.....

Yesterday's class is good...and i able to chat with a lecturer that i very admire in msn. Treating each other like friends....haha more happy than chatting with an artist...

But he is not as happy as me...he got lots of things to do...and i add his burden...so sorry :(

i hope he has a very strong determination and think every positively....Dun give up and i will support him... (but look like i'm helpless)haizz.....

New mission

2009-01-18T14:37:00.000-08:00

I woke up at 6am today!!!!
and i want to do this everyday ... sometimes i will think too much sleeping is a waste of time..i scare to getting old.

i want to study hard and pass my exam in this sitting n i want to do my chanting everyday for myself, my family n my friends....

i want to love myself. i want to learn to love myself. haha XD

FIRST DAY IN MY LIFE!!

2009-01-17T22:02:00.000-08:00

Hey, i start blogging like what my frenz is doing...
my purpose is erm.....the main purpose is because i can give comments on my fren's blog....
second, is wat my blog named....
wan here to be one of my another world...haha XD
Dunno who will be the first one know that i start blogging...haha

today is fun...been to many places in just few hours with my family.. feel so meaningful...
for me, if time being wasted just like that, i will feel uncomfort...n a bit regret....

one more week, CNY 2009 is coming..NEW Year again~~~