Stressed and in a very low life state

I am now in HBKL visiting an uncle who has removed his eye due to NPC. He is unable to eat and drink I guess because he has sth on his neck which he need to press it when he wants to talk. He is now resting on the bed while we sitting beside him.

I have a miserable feeling since Friday which add up from yesterday anger towards my niece. At the same time I feel sorry too.

Friday ends with unfinished work which is needed to process on Monday and a mistake that I did in the early of the month. Less than one month time, I have made 2 wrong payment to supplier due to carelessness where I am unable to detect the typo made by my staff. I feel very demotivated.

Yesterday, Saturday was a busy day but well spent on bonding time with my cousins. However it ends sucks where I lose my temper to my poor niece. I pinched her, twisted her ear and give a slap in front of many people. At the end, I feel very sorry for her. I also think I am not doing my part as aunt well. I regretted on my actions.

Today, Sunday is a gloomy day for me. I am unable to forget yesterday's incident and also stressed with the work that I need to do by tonight.

I also want to tell my comrade that I really wish to quit the task for the youth division but I do not know how to start with.

Time to continue my blogging journey in this new year 2015

I have many things I want to keep as memories in future but not in those public channel such as Facebook. I find it as showing off. I have many things in my mind. I wish to record it down too.

I start to share through here again, in this 2015 after I have been stop for almost 2 years.

I started by posting a draft message in the early of 2013. Created 2 years ago. I do not aware I have something pending here.
As far as I remember, 2013 start well (as in the previous post) but ended miserably. 2014 is a great year.
2013 - I get the result of my last ACCA paper showing PASS with 50 marks, Beijing trip, the house we bought in 2012, done renovation, done painting, done furnishing and we started to stay there in Oct 2013. I also engaged on 2nd Aug (on our 10th anniversary) and we went to Philippines. In this year, my father also did few operations which is so challenging.
2014 - we went to photoshoots, new positions, very happy and enjoyable wedding, Vietnam trip and etc. It consider a good year thou.

This new year, we celebrated our first CNY together. Less photos taken but enjoy the packing of Angpows, buying new clothes, dress up and make up for the home visitation, and many good sharing coming up.

Let's stop here and will update again! I love my life now. I love my hubby who sleeping beside me. I am so blessed that he loves me so much. I love him very much too. I want him to be happy and healthy! ��

Updates of myself in the end of first half of 2013

This year start off with a good year.

2012 start with challenges!!

Wow...it's a year full of exicitement. There are so many things happenned. It was just the 4th month but actually the time passed so damn fast!

This I want to share today:

1) Career
From the previous post, I mentioned I worked in hell and now I'm in a heaven workplace for almost a year (it means I have 1 year plus has not blog!!!). At first I struggle at my current workplace but anyhow, I've overcome it and quite like the place and the environment especially I can find fullfillness at this job task.

2) Oversea trip with him
After have been together for 8 years plus, finally we made our first oversea trip to Bangkok and Pattaya. It was really really fun and I've got lesson there (be patient with him). Looking forward our Taiwan trip in 2012.

3 Study in Sunway College
I got approval for education assistance at my current employer and it made me able to study at Sunway College. Even the fees is expensive but I want to pass this sitting and get reimbursement from the company 100%. Now already April and I havent start studying. It is worrying me and I am so stress. Currently staying at his house. Busy with this and that. No time and no determination to study but I want to change from now onwards. I will go to study after this!

4) Sick
He's diagnosed with nose cancer (NPC) which had eventually spread to neck nodes. He went 4 chemos and 22 radiation therapy. He did it very well and without much problems for us. It is just that to make him drink and eat, is a bit difficult. From this sickness, I can see what is really a "good fortune" from our practise and the warm and touching relations with the members, just like family members. The sisters and uncles really touched my heart.

5) Insurance
Having problems with my insurance agent since last year where he wrongly submitted my signed application. Not sure it is scam or so called "human error" but this is really giving me lots of stress especially it happened within my family. Get professional advise from other agents especially a girl who help Kok Vei on his matter. Really a "shoten zenji" for us.

I hope next post will be a happy post where I can tell everyone that my problem has been settled!!!!

Dream of another guy, an old man!

wow! i wanna scream out my tiredness, unsatisfied, my stress, my everything that make me unhappy.

After 8 months + in this company, i think it is enough. I said so because of the stress that the people gave me. I'm unhappy working in this kind of environment. Can say this kind of job, it is not suitable for me. But sometimes i do like it. I think i need someone to talk to and help me to figure out what i want actually.

I knew the problem is because of myself. This is a time for me to change and become better. i must go through it. If i quit, i'm a failure.

Not a challenging life anymore.

I hope to change, everythings in my life except for my lovely and warm family as well as my good future husband.Things that i hope to change is my career, my qualification, my aim, my laziness, my financial status, my unconfident, my thinking.

This few weeks i met with many nice people, Ket and Hui Yi. Listen to their stories make me motivated but what is life really about? The more people i met, the more i confuse what i want. I thought i could be a simple girl who want simple things but there are many comments from people around me that make me can't stick to what i want.

I been thinking be stable and don't be materialistic but when i see what my cousins or friends with their latest gadgets, i hope i could own one. I thought i can be a full time housewife and taking care of my family but when i heard what my manager say, i feel like embrasse to have this thinking.I learned to be excel in your work place in any kind of environment but when i heard my friends said of their company's benefit, i hope to changed my job to a better company.

Should i just stay in a shell and avoid myself from everybody? I don't know who can understand me.

Now i'm facing my June 2010 ACCA exam. I left with 2 papers (F8 and P6). I want to pass both of them and start my new life again. I want to be a successful person and will be center of the crowd. I'm not sure whether i can do it with my shyness.

Kelly's Wedding Dinner

Yesterday night i went to a wedding dinner which is most special to me and all the time i just look at the bride, the bride's photos, videos, the decoration and i so amazed. It is so nice and special and i'm sure this is what many girls envy about. She has a beautiful life and good husband. Wish her can have a wonderful life with her loving husband.

But there is some incident happen also the first time i experience this in a wedding dinner. After few dished have been served, there is suddenly black out for bout 30 minutes. This is the restaurant responsibility as they did not have power generator or any spare light in case of emergency.

Many friends of the bride's father has went home and my father say we have to stay as we are close to the host. But after awhile it is hot inside there and parents decide to go, while we on the way out, suddenly there is lights and everything back to normal. I feel so bad and faster go back to our seat. Hopefully the host don't see us betraying them. But i enjoy so much after the incident. The bridegroom has make apology and express their feeling of touched because we still stay there and did not give them up.

I feel so touch too. The bride is crying, not sure because she is angry and disappointed because her 100% wedding dinner has spoil or because she is touched. No matter what, she is still making me envy her. The bridegroom sang a song for his wife. The lyrics tell that they have couples for 7 years but the memory of coupling still fresh in his mind. Wow~ so touched! :)

After the dinner we went home. I watched drama while do colouring. While i'm rushing to clean up myself, my toe hit the wall and my toenail has break. It is so pain and when i look at it, it is bleeding. I quickly ask yong qi to call my mother over. And i start crying. Mum keep saying "oh, sayang ar, don't cry don't cry. I know it is pain. Dont cry". I feel like i'm a small kid again. :)

Now i still scare of seeing my nails and i dont know how to take bath and go out. Hope it will recover asap.